20 February 2011
Islamic same-sex marriage? A contradiction in terms or an emerging reality?
When suggested to many people, whether Muslims or non-Muslims, the idea of a same-sex Islamic wedding seems like an oxymoron. But, even while not sanctioned by most mainstream Muslim groups or recognized in most predominantly Muslim societies, a growing number of women are doing so.
In the west, a few women have even come to the attention of major news organizations. BBC 5 has a story regarding one British Muslim couple:
Asra and Sarah discuss their relationship:
"We met about three years ago, at an iftar - a breaking of fast during Ramadan.
"I think a lot of Muslims find that time of year very spiritual and very enlightening, and so I think that's why our relationship developed, because we spoke about our faith."
"Eventually we went on a date."
Asra fondly remembers the moment Sarah proposed to her.
"After the first date, which was about an hour, Sarah casually asked me to marry her."
Sarah interjects.
"I think it was more like four hours, after dinner, coffee and walking. I didn't really plan it, but it just really seemed like the way it was between us, I should try and keep it as pure as possible.
"That may sound strange being lesbians, but it felt like we should do it the most honourable way we could."
It may seem strange to many non-Muslims, regardless of their orientation, but it’s not unusual for many religious Muslims around the world to become engaged very quicky. (The present author, for example, became engaged the second time she met her ex-husband (long before coming out!)) Usually, for heterosexual couples, a nikah is written up. As a marriage contract, it has many of the aspects of a prenuptial agreement in the West and usually spells out conditions of financial support for any children from the marriage, alimony and so on as well as specific conditions under which the marriage will be dissolved (many women, for instance, insist that no second marriage will be permitted) as well as financial arrangements.
In most Islamic traditions, in contrast to Christianity, marriage is not a ‘sacrament’ and is more like a civil union. As there is no exact equivalent to a priesthood, the closest thing to an officiant would be a qadi (a judge in an Islamic court) , an imam, or simply someone considered particularly knowledgable in Qur’an and sharia law. For Asra and Sarah, a friend suggested a knowledgable lesbian Muslim and, just three months after the proposal, the big day came.
Asra wore a white shalwar kameez - a traditional Pakistani outfit - and Sarah a pink dress. The short ceremony was conducted in Arabic, and additional duas - prayers - were read and the marriage was essentially no different from the nikahs performed for straight Muslim couples all over the world.
So, many Muslims may ask, was it sunnah? (That is, is such a marriage permissible in Islam?)
Surprisingly, perhaps, the answer would appear to be yes. From a conservative website, we find a fatwa explaining why lesbianism is a sin and using hadith (sayings of the Prophet) to demonstrate this:
Ibn Qudaamah said (9/59):
If two women engage in lesbian sexual relations, then they are guilty of zina and are cursed, because it was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman has sexual relations with another woman, then they are both guilty of zina.” There is no hadd punishment for them because they did not have intercourse, rather it is likened to intimate relations that are less than intercourse, and they are to be subjected to a ta’zeer punishment.
This hadeeth was narrated by al-Bayhaqi from Abu Moosa (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a man has sexual relations with another man, they are both guilty of zina, and if a woman has sexual relations with another woman they are both guilty of zina.”
http://www.islam-qa.com/en/ref/21058
The ‘crime’, though, is not same-sex sex but, instead, the fact that it is sex outside of marriage (zina) and is to be punished in the same way as adultery. So, if same-sex sex isn’t in itself sinful, a growing number of Muslims argue, a same-sex marriage is actually acceptable. As gay American Imam Daayiee Abdullah argues, “By not allowing same-sex couples to wed, there is a direct attack on the Qur'an's message that each person has a mate who is their 'comfort and their cloak'”
More and more practicing Muslim women are finding that, rather than being inherently at odds, they can find ways to combine both their sexuality and their religion in ways that allow them to embrace both.
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