28 April 2011

A Syrian Romance

In a country like this, in a world like this, it might seem like it’s almost impossible to meet anyone … especially if by anyone, you mean someone else who’s, ahem, a lesbian …

Well, at least that’s what I thought when I came back to Damascus last August. I’d been out for almost a decade and had had some less than pleasant dating experiences. I felt myself adrift in life and unmoored from my culture. So, when I received a job offer in Damascus, I took it. I presumed as I packed up my life in the US and prepared to come here that I’d be having a quiet few years; that of course has not worked out! And I also presumed that I wouldn’t be dating anyone. That didn’t work out either!

When I lived in the USA, I lived in a major city (Atlanta) that’s very gay friendly; from where I was, if the urge struck me, I could actually walk to a couple ‘meat markets’ for lesbians. That was something I knew I’d be giving up. Celibacy … or returning to my younger years …

It wasn’t very long after I’d arrived here, though, that things got interesting. I met a woman (for her privacy, I’ll call her ‘Zina’) who was a few years younger than me at a reception; she teaches at a university here and has her PhD from a British university. We hit it off at once; she was also a single academic bilingual and we sat making silly comments about our colleagues. We agreed to meet up for coffee and, pretty soon, we’d become fast friends.

Now, I’m queer and Zina is beautiful … so naturally I had feelings for her right off. But, this is Syria so I squashed them. Saying to your new friend ‘you’re really hot; do you date women?’ is not a good idea. So, I was careful never to bring up my sexuality; Zina asked if I had someone, I told her no, I was married a long time ago … and, yes, I’ve dated since then but … meh, have you seen the prospects here? She laughed and agreed; she’d dated in graduate school but not since then.

Our friendship steadily grew; we were hanging out all the time, meeting for coffee or lunch, going to restaurants in the evening and having long conversations about politics, religion, art, literature, history … she’s a paid up member of the Baath Party from a loyalist family, Druze sect, so there were things we agreed to disagree on. And we got closer … I found us doing things that, if I’d been talking to a non-Arab in the US, would have been sure signals of interest, but, when she took my hand as we went shopping, or I sat entirely too close to her here, it meant just friendship. Or so I thought.

And I had a big old crush on her. I dreamed about kissing her. I decided that I’d out myself to her; it’s too important a thing, I thought, about me never to mention … and, I told myself, if she’s a real friend, she’ll accept me. And maybe, just maybe, she might respond positively … so I set a date for myself to come clean … after I had had a vacation!

I went to Britain for a few days; an old friend from the US was living there and had invited me. She’s straight but she knew I hadn’t been ‘out’ for a while … so, we went out to a lesbian club and I had fun … but I still had Zina on my mind. When we went back to my friend’s flat, I saw that I had an email from Zina. So I responded, told her the name of the club and that it was cool and fun … and didn’t mention what kind of club it was.

No big deal, right? Well, Zina immediately sent me a friend request on facebook for a brand new profile of herself she had just posted. I added her … and what do I see? “Zina is interested in women” …. Hmmm …. I ‘like’ that, she likes that I like that … and we are emailing back and forth at high speed … she knew the club and realized that I was at least gay-friendly …

And she calls me … ‘yes, I’m gay,” she says … so am I, I tell her … we’ve both been obvious and dancing around the mutual attraction …. And now the flirting is in the open …

We talk and email and talk … and she wants to pick me up from the airport when I land.
And when she does, we are kissing in the airport itself, barely making it back to her apartment dressed … and, well, you can guess the rest …

We became an ‘item’, then a couple, almost inseperable … she’s out to her family and I am to mine and for the first time, I go out to dinner with my girlfriend’s parents and everything is in Arabic. It’s great … we vacation together at the Red Sea and pretend we are non-Arabs (we’re both pale and speak good English, even if she has a Scots intonation) so that we can be ‘out’ at Sharm al Sheikh and model our bikinis and such … life is good as we come back to Damascus. We are pretty lesbians in love, right?

… but it didn’t last. See, as I mentioned before, she’s a Baathi. I am most certainly not.

And sooner or later that was bound to come up.

One morning I woke up and was reading news online. There was a thing about the bombing in Alexandria. I’m mad.

“You know,” I say, “I bet the government did that to create strife between Copts and Muslims.”

She disagrees; the Muslims, she says, are crazy. And why would a government do that?

I say, you don’t think our government would do something like that if it came down to it?

Why?

Because they are scared of the people, so the only way is to convince all the non Muslims, I say, that democracy is worse than them, that we’d have Saudi Arabia here …

Well, yes, that is what would happen, she says, that’s why we need Bashar to protect us from them; they would cut our throats if they could.

Who? I ask.

You know, the Muslim brothers, all the muslims, really …

And then it gets ugly. We start fighting. She insists Asad is a necessary man, who protects Syria. I disagree. We start arguing about what happened in 1982, 1976, 1973, 1967, 1963, 1961 … and so on … ugly things that we have avoided all the months we have been together ...

And … well, pretty soon, it is obvious we can not go on as a couple. I want a revolution; she fears it. She sees the mukhabarat as helpful; I see them as enemies ... So we broke up …

And that is how it is here. We still speak … and she is doubting Asad’s wisdom the last time we talked. But, politics is everything sometimes and what can one do?